by the time

Just finished watching d drama series "Princess Hours". wew ... it's still fell the same. but I noticed something, a little words from the Great Queen. it's touching!!

"19 ... Nineteen is the age to make mistakes. you will make a lot of mistakes, and you should mistakes at that age. You have to go through everything that you should at your age in order to get old properly.

But the most important thing is not the fact that you made a mistake, but that you realiza your mistake and gain courage to fix it."


huuufff ... it s not that I want to hide my fault I always be the sinner. just like the other human can do. I realize what I've been done.



and It's already a year ...


these last days, was the very hard days ever of my life. yes .. when I have to gain bak the courage to fight back. to stand up. to fix everything back to its place. it could never be the same like before, ... but at least ... I've tried my best. and always will ...




I still do so many mistakes, but it's not the same mistake I've ever done. I've learned a lot. I've fixed a couple of things, and I will never get satisfied with it. bcause I know, once I feel it enough for everything, once I think I've paid it all .. all my words will be nothing more but rubbish.



I have to fight, untill the last breathe I take. I will always have to bring back it all. What I've been ruined, I have to take back the pieces one by one. Or I will never be forgiven. I knew it.


---------------


and seems like ... I have to stay awake evryminute exist. stop dreaming that there will be a bright future being with someone I love, someone I desired the most right now. there will always consequences ... I haven't received punishment here on earth ... then by the time has come, ... I always have set!




and that thought ... keeps me fragile more and more.