speak of mind

Im at my wits end ... rite now. there re a lot to tell. a lot of sighs, a lot of tears, a lot of things to regret.

aku mau posting bentar. abis itu bubu deh. masi ada tugas besok pagi^^

dah brapa bulan ini ga jadi yang bangunin dy, malah jadi dy yang bangunin aku :(

sumtimes .. especially these days .. i really wanna be like her. i never want sumthing like this more than anything. wanna pay my own holiday, wanna pay those spa, myself. wanna tell mw mum or dad I will take them holiday abroad, with my own money.

aku sedih. iya deh .. lagi sediiiihhhh aja. masi pengeeennnn aja nangis. tapi. air mata ini terlalu berharga. tubuh aku masi butuh banyak mineral, yang terkandung di air mata itu :p

abis liat poto nya dhita ma bang deri nih. ish .... ngiri. tumben"an aja ngiri. biasanya aku cuek" aja. masi percaya sama kekuatan "semua indah pada waktunya ..." iya ... tapi masalah nya aku lagi ga kuat. masalah nya aku lagi kangen. oh yes??!! I miss him a lot. tapi bener deh. he's there!!

even not right beside me, but I can feel his soul, rise me up. always tell me not to cry ... cause every teardrop of mine hurt him a lot. huwaaaaaaaaaaa .....

kadang.. waktu aku sadar dia ga bisa akan slalu ada buatku, aku justru memaksa buat berfikir lebih jauh lagi. gimana seandai nya ... Allah udah punya rencana lain, ... andaikan di masa depanku ... ternyata ga ada dy. cukup kuatkah aku? smentara sampai hari ini aku bercengeng" ria, n masih mengandalkan dia buat bantu aku berdiri tegak lagi.

that's why I wont lose him.

wah payah ... hatiku ga tenang. I HAVE TO CHANGE! I CAN'T JUST SIT N LET THEM HAPPEN IN FRONT OF ME!! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SEEN .. I'M ALSO PART OF THIS FAMILY!

and ... I MISS YOU DAD ... N MUM .. MISS YOU A LOT ..... T____T